When you were happy
by carlycarter
Summary: Kate&Juliet. Season 3. One parter. Full summary inside...


_Written for xixlovexgreenx live journal, who made the most amazing icon of Kate and Juliet walking happily along the beach with Juliet's arms around Kate. Oh and Juliet also has a gun tucked into the top of her jeans. Priceless. This icon just screamed out for a story. But if you haven't seen the pic, no matter, the story will stand on it's own. _

_Set in season 3 because its my favourite, despite the fact I think Kate is wearing those overalls from season 5 in that particular icon, well it's a small pic, so disregard that fact and set your mind to season 3. _

_It's set on island as opposed to totally AU, because it kind of seemed a cop out to take them off the island. And I can't think of anything (even if I wrote happy fic which I mostly don't!) that would cause such elation and pure joy, they always both seem so haunted by things, and I couldn't possibly fix every bad thing, there would always be regret and pain, and if I took away every bad thing that happened to them then they wouldn't be Kate and Juliet anymore. Even in an established relationship off the island I cant really see that scene, there are too many barriers between them, trust issues etc that will never really be resolved. Maybe i'm too cynical... _

_Anyway this is all I could come up with to explain that picture, Season three, on the island, Kate is prisoner of the "others" and Jack and Sawyer are..well who cares?? not in this fic! Ok this is muchly out of character too. Very bad. But eh. That icon pic is crazy also. So this is my story behind the icon.....Kate and Juliet on the beach, laughing, Juliet's arms around Kate, and Juliet with a gun safely tucked into the top of her jeans....._

_**When you were happy. Kate/Juliet**_

You not surprised to wake with the gun pressed against your head.. Nor to lift you gaze and find the steely eyes of Juliet Burke staring back at you. "Not now, i'm sleeping." You mumble wearily, not prepared to show her any outward sign of fear. You're not even sure you felt fear anymore. So many unreal things kept happening, it left you numb.

What was the worst she could do? Shoot you? Big deal. It would almost be a relief. Besides, if she wanted you dead, she would have pulled the trigger by now. She only wanted to scare you, make you suffer. And you were not gonna give her the satisfaction, no way in hell.

"Get up." She orders in harsh whispered tones.

You stare blankly at her "I don't think so. Come back in the morning."

A flicker of fury crosses her face, it makes you feel powerful. It almost makes it worth the discomfort of being dragged to your feet by your hair. She has every advantage, your hands are cuffed together, she has the gun. Involuntarily, your eyes water as she yanked harder against your hair.

"When I tell you to do something, Kate, you do it. Why do you insist on doing everything the hard way?"

Pressing the gun against your back, she orders you to walk. This time, you go along with her.

It's still dark outside, but already the day is warm, the air hot and oppressive. Silently she pushes you along the path towards the ocean.

It feels like you have been walking for hours, not the mere minutes since she had woken you. Your bare feet are hurting like hell. But you don't dare let her know that. The weeks of being kept locked in that room had left you unfit. You're actually out of breath by the time you reached the shore line.

There is unmistakable pity in her eyes when she turns towards you. It disgusts you. Without a word, she pockets that gun, removes her shoes, and sits in the sand.

You stand, staring, confused by her strange behaviour. What reason did you have to stick around here? What was stopping you from turning and running? This was your chance.

"This" she tells you softly, sweetly, " Is my favourite place."

That's when it first occurs to you that Juliet Burke has lost her mind. Either that or she is playing another one of those sick games with you. You cast a glance over your shoulder, your heart racing. The jungle. Freedom. _Run,_ you tell yourself. _And never look back._

You know this is probably a trap, a sick game. You know your heart is telling you to run like hell. But, damn, your feet are killing you. You're dying of thirst, and she holds the water bottle. Drinking from it gracefully, not a stray drop to be seen.

"Sit" she orders you, and you do sit beside her.

Your eyes stare longingly at the water bottle, but you have too much pride to ask her for it. She makes no move to share it with you. Instead she reaches into her pocket, removing the small set of keys, and releases your hands from those ghastly handcuffs.

You rub your wrists in relief, looking to her confused. "What do you want?" You ask

She takes a moment to answer, handing you finally that water bottle and watching as you drink greedily from it.

"Many many things that I can not have. I want most to turn back time" She answers.

"What do you want from me?" You clarify the question. Turning back time was not in your power. If it were you'd use that little trick to fix your own messed up life.

You receive no answer. Uncomfortable with the way the conversation has turned, you change the subject. "If you're gonna shoot me, just get it over with."

She almost smiles. Almost. "I'm not going to shoot you."

"You'll forgive me for thinking otherwise. I woke up with your gun in my face."

"People make a lot of assumptions about other people. You don't know me, Kate."

You can't argue with that. You don't know here. You certainly don't claim to understand her.

She continues "I'm sure you of all people know what it's like. Being judged as a 'bad person' based of one stupid mistake."

"I'm not misjudged." You tell her. "People are usually pretty spot on. Bad people do bad things. Simple as that." You meant it as a condemnation on your own character, not hers. Yet she looks stricken, as if your words have wounded her deeply. As if your judgement of her character mattered in the slightest.

"Ben is going to kill you." She utters finally, breaking the awkward silence.

"You're telling me this because??"

"Because I like you." She replies. And it sounds so sincere that it causes your breath to catch in your throat. But you quickly remind yourself how manipulative she can be. You remind yourself of the cruel taunts she had spoken to you about Jack, the way she looked to Jack. She liked Jack, not you. You remind yourself of all the torture and beatings you endured as her prisoner. She didn't like you. It was insane. Yet the disappointment at that realisation hurts you more than it should.

"Ben is going to kill me, when?" You ask, not wanting her to see how much thought you were putting into the possibility that she liked you. Not wanting her to see that somehow, you think you liked her too.

"Today. Mid day." She answers matter-of-factly.

Again, you look longingly over your shoulder to the jungle. Adrenalin coursing through your veins. It was somehow comforting, that familiar idea-- run. And she was gonna sit there and let you go? You stand hesitantly but swiftly to your feet. She makes no move towards her weapon. No move to stop you.

"Ben is going to find you Kate. There is no where to run. Don't be stupid." She rebukes you gently.

"You want me to sit here at this nice little beach picnic and wait for execution? That's not who I am." You proclaim. "You should come with me." You speak the words before thinking. "Ben is going to kill you too when he finds out you helped me get away."

"I know." She answers. "But there is no use running."

It was a peculiar sight, to see her so broken, so hopeless.

"What do you mean?" You ask.

"There is a bomb. Set to explode at mid day today. It is going to destroy this whole island. Ben included.

Your eyes widen in disbelief and fear. "What? Why would Ben do something like that?"

"Because he is crazy. There is no reason, Kate."

"Jack, and Sawyer.." You begin. "We have to get help, we have to stop this."

"I told you already- It's no use. No one can deactivate the bomb. Not even Ben himself if he decided he wanted to. Things are set firmly in motion. It's too late to stop it."

Her words sink in. You're trapped. You're gonna die. So what? How many times had you thought that before? You always got out. You just have to run. Always the answer, just run. Your legs are itching to move. Maybe this is all a lie, a sick twisted game. And if not, you'll die running, you'll die trying to stop that bomb and not sitting on this god damn beach feeling sorry for yourself.

But you find yourself caught in her gaze. You find yourself enjoying that thing you couldn't even put a name to. The way she looked at you. As if she really did like you. It had been a long time since anyone looked at you like that. It was irresistible. And you find yourself sitting back down beside her.

Her long golden hair glimmers in the sun. Even though she is the enemy who kidnapped you, even though she still has that gun, everything about her is non threatening. She looks, curiously, peaceful as she sits sifting the grains of sand through her fingers.

"Don't you ever wish you could take all this away?" She asks you.

"Life isn't like that. You can't just wish things away. You have to make things happen."

"Tell me something Kate, Something about you. About who you are."

"You know everything about me. You know everything there is to know about everyone here."

"I know a lot of things." She concedes. "Not everything. I don't know you Kate. I don't understand you."

"What you want to know?" You ask cautiously. You were the one who made the decision to sit beside her, to engage in this conversation when you should have run. But you don't quite trust her. You're still wary.

"Do you remember a time you were happy?"

"Sure."

" I mean, Really happy. With not one bad thing hanging over your head."

"Do you?" You ask her.

She shakes her head. "I'm not certain anymore."

You do remember a time. Just one time. And for unknown reasons, you start telling her about it. "I remember I was small. So small i'm not sure that I really even remember this, or if I just dreamed it. My father took me to the beach. Just him and me. We went swimming, made castles in the sand, ate ice cream. He looked to me like I was the centre of his world. I believed in that moment that he would always take care of me, that nothing bad would ever touch me, That i'd never have to worry about anything. I was happy then, I think."

She nods, and tells you of her own memory. "Rachel, my sister, would take me to the beach when we were younger too. It was like the whole world ceased to exist on those days. We would talk and giggle about stupid things like little girls do. I always imagined that she would be by my side for my whole life. It never occurred to me that i'd find myself in a place like this, so far away from her. That she'd end up all alone, thinking i'd just abandoned her."

"That's life I guess. You grow up, and shit happens. And nothing turns out the way you planned it." You didn't mean it to sound cruel, it's just that you saw no purpose in crying pathetically over the past.

"But don't you want that back? Just for one minute? That feeling like everything is gonna be ok."

You shrug. You'd never really though about it.

"Look around you." She instructs. "This beach is so beautiful. We have just hours left to live, and we're here in this magical place. Just you and me and the ocean. Why not enjoy it? Just for a moment push all the bad things aside and just enjoy living?"

She takes your hand. It feels oddly natural to have her touch you. You can't remember the last time a person took your hand so tenderly. It feels like you fit together.

She is smiling at you so radiantly, and you try to tell yourself that she is crazy, but you can't help smiling back at her. She draws you close, her arm around you. And it's strange, but she is right, the world starts to fade away into insignificance. She is almost skipping pulling you along the sand. You stumble along the uneven ground trying to keep up. The sand is warm between your toes, the sun shining down on your face, the sound of the ocean in the background.

Then you hear her laugh. Not a cruel bitter laugh like you had become used to. Something entirely different. Carefree, happy, sincere. Somehow her enthusiasm was infectious. You found yourself smiling, as if the weight of the world had been finally taken off your shoulders.

You're both laughing like school girls as you walk along that shore. Juliet is right, it is beautiful, Breathtaking. You'd never stopped, not even once, to appreciate it. To appreciate the beauty and tranquillity here. To appreciate just being alive. You had spent all your time feeling sorry for yourself, feeling angry, running, trying to escape. You never stopped just to live. That is the gift she gave to you that morning. And it seemed so cruel that you had learned this lesson only hours before you were doomed to die.

She looks free. And you understand that dizzying feeling. You felt it when you ran, that adrenalin, that knowledge that you had won, that you were nobody's prisoner. That's how Juliet looks dancing in the morning sunlight on that beach, like she is finally free.

Slowly you find yourself letting go of the past. You can't change things now, can't make them right. It's too late. And there is no use worrying about any of it anymore. Piece by piece it all drifts away, until there is only you and her alone on a secluded island beach. That's all your life is.

She stops suddenly, her smile fading, as she glances to the sky. No doubt she is wondering how many hours are left, how many minutes of sunlight and breathing are left. She is wondering what is on the other side.

She reaches then for her gun, and momentarily it causes a stab of fear. So she was going to kill you after all, and this was just a crazy game?

But she doesn't aim the weapon at you. Instead she hands it to you.

Confused, you grasp hold of it. The metal is cool against your skin.

"Shoot me." She tells you.

Horrified, you hand the gun back to her. So, she is insane. You get it that she is scared. But throwing your life away like that, no matter how hopeless the situation, is against everything you believe in.

"Don't look at me like that Kate. As if life is of so much value to you. You've killed before. Now just shoot me." There is anger in her voice now.

"He deserved it." You half-heartedly defend yourself.

"So do I, Kate. I'm one of them. Those people who kidnapped you, who tortured you and your people. I deserve it."

"No." You shake your head. No, you won't do it. No, she doesn't deserve it. No she isn't like the others. You're so sick all of this twisted nonsense. She was crazy. Maybe there was no bomb, it's all a game.

She grabs you by the shoulders, shaking you violently. "I will not die at his hand." she insists.

"Ben?" You ask, confused.

"You think I want to be here Kate? I've been trying for three years to get away from him. Selling my soul, compromising everything I believe in just to get free. I can't change the things i've done. But I can do this one thing. My life is not going to end at his hand. It's just not. Please, it's important." She almost pleading with you by now.

"Why is it so important? Ben will never know."

"I'll know. It's important to me." She insists, with tears in her eyes, pushing the gun into your hands.

You feel for her, you understand, but you still can't do it. Can't put her out of her misery. Until this morning you despised her. Until this morning maybe you could have aimed that gun at her head and pulled the trigger. And she is right, you've done it before. The real reason you won't do it, is because you don't want to be alone. Not here, not now, in the last hours of your life. You want her to be with you. You want to go back to those carefree deluded moments. Damn her turning things upside down like this. Showing you peace and joy and then shattering it all to pieces again.

She reaches then and takes the gun back from you. At first you're relieved that you're off the hook. Until you see her lift that gun to her head. Her hand trembling uncontrollably as you've never seen it do, the fear in her eyes that you've never known, these things tell you that she isn't really going to do it. And so what if she did? In a few hours you'd both be dead. But you can't stand back and watch. You lung towards her, knocking her to the ground. The two of you struggle in the sand. It feels so familiar, so comforting, having her so close to you. And you wonder, if things had been different, would the two of you had a chance?

"Please." You beg her, the desperation in your voice confuses you.

And then, there is the deafening sound of a shot being fired.


End file.
